Bitches and Blowjobs
I recently read this on a girl's website:
WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT OF BLOWJOBS
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule ..1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule ..3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule ..5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to ..8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probabl y best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule ..2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."
...and here is my response to it:
1. Yes you are... it's one of the commandments.
2. This should actually be reversed... if a man LETS you give him a blow job...YOU should be grateful.
3. They do that in pornos because pornos were invented in a day when women were as they should be: subserviant, and grateful. Women just need to get back in touch with their roots.
4. You don't HAVE to...but it'll be difficult not to when I clamp my hand over your mouth, and squeeze your nose shut.
5. Why do you think women HAVE ears? It's not like they listen.
6. A blowjob isn't a blowjob if there isn't puking involved.
7. If I bless you with a holy fart... thou shalt appreciate it, and furthermore reward me by continuing my blowjob.
8. ... How about men and women make a deal...if she doesn't blow you while on her period...you can punch her in the mouth.
9.This one, I agree with...however, I've never left a girl to go masturbate without her being a bitch about it.
10. Don't wreck it for me...and I won't tell you you've wrecked it for me.
11. If you're lucky...I'll just be letting you blowing me while I play video games.
12. I have a little hint for you, sweety... no girl can REALLY do it well. Unless you have no teeth.
13. Who the fuck cares if it tastes good? You don't drink it because you like it.
14. I don't remember giving the option of saying "no"
15. since when have I been appropriate?
16. It's funny how you cuten it up with "kiss it good morning"... I would just say "suck it you dumb, bitch... and then make some breakfast"
Who does this broad think she is?
I'm gonna go get a blowjob right now... and laugh at the bitch who wrote this as I cum on my bitch's face, and play video games.